Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas Presents!!!

1. For our LA area friends, we're playing a special free show on January 2nd as part of the FMLY Ride. Basically it's a show on wheels, you all meet up at a parking lot at night and ride your bikes to 3 stops, with bands playing at each stop. We're playing the last stop! We play around midnight, it's all free, and there will be free "refreshments" at the end. Check out this blog post to plan out your night:
PS- This set may or may not be instrumental :D

2. You can buy 48 Hours in Ukraine online now, they ship worldwide: Also this will probably be in every Hot Topic soon, I promise..

3. "A Partridge" is streaming for 24 hours only on our myspace

Thursday, December 17, 2009

UK/Europe Webstore v.2.0

Its back and better than before! Now with a wide selection of fabulous items, some of which are available here and nowhere else.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Sunday, December 13, 2009

New DVD - 48 Hours in Ukraine

Hello everyone. We have completed a new DVD entitled "We Flooded It and There's Yoghurt Everywhere AKA 48 Hours in Ukraine". This feature-length DVD chronicles the 48 hours spent in Ukraine on Earth Tour 2008, as well as the drive to Ukraine and the flight out to Belarus.

It is the most important and honest musical documentary ever made by the most relevant band of all time.

It also serves as a sneak peak at the 15-hour epic "Earth Tour 2008" DVD box set we will be releasing Spring 2010. It is the perfect holiday present for all of your friends and family.

Here is the preview/ The preview is the greatest thing we have ever made:

The DVD will be available at all Hot Topics in the coming week and is also available at shows and on our very soon.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Cleveland/Pittsburgh: We Require 1 Paw Paw

Dear Cleveland or Pittsburgh showgoers,
It is imperative that someone brings a ripe paw paw to the show, North America's largest native fruit. With the texture and taste of a creamy melon, we must try this mysterious wild fruit immediately.
Anyone who brings a paw paw will have the opportunity to meet the band and buy us a shot.

Thank you for your concern.

Erik Q. Engstrom "Baron Society... 'Weinberg'"

Seth Ifrica mate

We are going to come to South Africa and give it a big Santa Beard.

Here is our first South African interview:

Friday, December 4, 2009

Thursday, November 26, 2009


Belarus: The Most Progressive Nation in the World

Belarus, an authoritarian dictatorship, did a segment on us on their national TV station. They only have like 3 channels, so everyone in the country saw it.
Meanwhile we continue to languish in our own "taste-making cultural mecca", the United States of America. Which hot new bands are on TV in our country?

Friday, November 20, 2009

Do's and Don't of Touring

Erik's phone/diary broke before he could write our tour blog, but he was able to spout off this wisdom before the tragedy

Monday, October 26, 2009

BBC reviews Desperate Living

The BBC (you may have heard of it) reviewed Desperate Living and instead of talking about R. Borlax or childhood Nintendo nostalgia over the course of 15-20 poorly-conceived sentences, they actually talked about the music and story behind the album. Imagine that.

Monday, October 19, 2009

More tour blog

Things are getting pretty dark. It seems like some is feeling bitterness and hatred: Perfect.

At the airport...

They just paged passengers Gaper and Bumgardener.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

We are hidings CDs - Bakersfield

The scavenger hunt continues. This one is easy. It's at Going Underground Records. Just ask Ronald for it. You don't have to pay for it.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Picture of Arizona

We are hiding CDs - Phoenix

In a plant in this picture. Back of the parking lot. Best Western "Inn of Tempe"/Denny's

Saturday, October 10, 2009

We are hiding CDs - Albuquerque

Somewhere in this pppicture. Use google, sleuths. Post when you get it.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Oklanhoma city scbagver huny

On the floor, bricktown live.

Feel horrible

Been doin' some tour bloggin'. You can check that out on the first one went up today. The second edition is a photo blog and you'll all be very thrilled to see what kind of trouble we got ourselves into. Until then I'll be lying face down in the third row of "HORSE the van" (LOL) hallucinating. Also falling into that weird van paralysis sleep, you guys know what I'm talking about, right?! I've been too sick to hide CDs. Might start again soon. PEEACE

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Our CD is out today!!!!!! You can get it in any record store, Best Buy, FYE, Hot Topic, etc. and on iTunes with 11 bonus tracks. Which is the best value?! I DON'T KNOW!!!! The CD has such cool art and lyrics! But with iTunes you get more songs!!! But nothing to hold!

Oh! And, today only, our CD is available for $6.99 right here

I guess that is probably the best value. Anyway if the recession is really hitting you hard we're still gonna hide some, and we're selling them at shows for $10. Anyway, if you like our band or our album in general and want to support us then buy our CD! Vagrant gives us half the profit. Neat.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

We are hiding CDs - Houston

We are doing a worldwide CD scavenger hunt, hiding Desperate Livings all over the countryside. Finders keepers. LOSERS WEEPERS. So you better go fast.

I-10 exit 747B Cracker Barrel parking lot. In the long grass directly past this pictured anthill I accidentally fucking stepped on :((((( now there are 1,000,000 ants in my shoe and they bit me foot.

More cities soon, keep checking the website/blog for clues. Comment if you got it.

Good Morning Houston

There is a storm I see. Good thing we are leaving. This has been a good tour for the first 2 days! Nathan tried to Tarzan onto a pipe in the ceiling of the venue, turns out it was a fluorescent lightbulb. Oops. But we are all ok.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

CD Release Party

LA/OC/IE/Valley/Pomona CD Release Party October 17th, Center for the Arts, 22225 Colorado Blvd, Eagle Rock, CA. Let's blow it out harder than last time! Short notice TELL EVERYONE B)

w/ Iwrestledabearonce, Massive KAraoke PArty, very cheap beer, in the prettiest venue around...

BREAKING UPDATE: Tickets here!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Full Album Streeeaaammm

Desperate Living is FULLY STREAMING at riiiiiiiiiiiiight NOW

While listening you can read what to think of it in this excellently crafted and well thought-out 9.2 out of 10 review.

Here is the promotional YouTube video for Desperate Living B)

Monday, September 28, 2009

Rocks and Things

HORSE the song is streaming at Buzzgrinder and will be on our myspace tomorrow. For some reason I don't think too many people will stream this song ;)

AND! David M. P. Q. Isen has broken his silent spell and agreed to speak to the press again, however, only in the form of editorial piece, and he has written one, about our most recent jaunt through Eastern Eastern Europe, which you can see here, right now.

Sunday, September 27, 2009


The General prepares for tour.......

Bud light -check
self loathing -check
65 gigs of golden age comics -check
open wound -check

living -desperate.....

A grand time will be had by all.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee

I just got our new CD at practice. I hadn't heard it mastered yet or not in shitty mp3 form. Now it is in my stereo.

I guess I will just tell you what I honestly think, something a band is never supposed to do.

This album is by far the best thing we have ever made. Without these songs the band would have broken up last year instead of recording another album. There was no point to keep going besides delaying the onset of "reality" even further and crippling ourselves with even more debt, straining relationships past breaking points and continuing to live in embarrassing situations. We came back because we had something to offer that we felt there was a lack of. That feeling was absent on our last album. We were going through the motions of being a "metal band" in the United States of America, trying to impress technically and "mature" and trying to get on package tours with horrible bands for some reason. A while after the album came out we were dead and we knew it. It got to the point that we hated being on the road. We went around the world to escape the monotony and came back fucking broke, exhausted, and overwhelmed. We came back different.

This record is so many things. Anyone who says this CD sounds like "Nintendo bleeps and bloops" or "more of the same" is fucking mentally retarded. That is an indisputable fact, if you can't hear it you should stop listening to music, because you have no idea what the fuck is going on. This is still HORSE the band but overflowing with emotion, desperation, fear, pain, glory, excitement, and joy. This album is alive, something larger than just sound has been captured. That is the objective truth. There's no point tiptoeing around it. It was easy to write, every song came naturally, we were able to mold sound to our every whim, create real emotion, not just try to create what we thought emotion sounded like. To weave sadness and aching and jubilation. If you want to hear us at our highest point this is the record.

Listen to this album loud, listen to it in the dark, don't listen to it with shitty earbuds, don't listen to mp3s of it, don't listen to it with the windows open in your car on the freeway (until you know the songs then it's ok to blast it), don't download this album without lyrics, don't be a fucking idiot and think that what has happened in the last 10 years is progress. It is shit and it won't last. The "underground" is a joke now, the new underground won't be about genres, it will be comprised of people who truly appreciate any type of music vs. the masses of people downloading shit and listening to shit recordings of shit bands with shit lyrics and liking them for a max of 4 months before moving on to the next garbage.

Sit in your bed and read the lyrics along to the songs (Nathan has truly outdone himself, and most everyone else in recent memory for that matter) and let yourself go away somewhere else. Embrace your desperation and fear. Feel your insignificance. Think of how many people are alive in the world at the same time, think of how many have lived and died, how huge the universe is and how small a part anyone plays. Be devastated. Then feel ok. That is what the album is for.

Haha anyway after all that talk, I am excited and I hope you guys like it. I don't know if it's a "first listen" type of album, but I THINK it is, but if not, I think by 3rd or 4th listen everyone will be in love.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Shapeshift Video

Our video for Shapeshift is up here and here! It is very scary.

In other news those preorders where you buy our new CD really cheap and it gets to your house before it is in stores AND you get a free ticket for a CD Release show are almost sold out. In fact, some shows are ALREADY sold out!!!!!!!!!!! *

Wouldn't it suck to go to a show and not have the CD show up for free at your house from the mailman if you could have gone a show and had the CD show up for free at your house?

Wouldn't that be the stupidest thing you had ever done?

Maybe some of you smart alecs are saying, "oh, I will just download the album anyway... I know how the music industry works. chuckle chuckle, I am so smart, sitting here in my computer chair, huh huh huh fart" But your hard drive will break one day, an unrecoverable failure, you can count on that. And your house will burn down and your backup hard drive and DVDs will melt in the flames. Then where will you be? You will be alone, possibly with 3rd degree burns. (Our CD would have been under the seat of your car and not BURNT)

Also you won't get to read our lyrics and see awesome pictures we took on Earth Tour.

* of preorder packages, not tickets. Are you serious?

Saturday, September 19, 2009

The Definitive Preorder Guide

You want to preorder the new CD of your favorite band, but they are fucking retarded and can't post an organized list of options. Luckily one member has the foresight and business sense to help you in your quest: me.

If you live in the US go to Section 1.
If you live in Europe go to Section 2.
If you live somewhere else pick any section you want.

You have 2 options.
Option 1 you get the CD autographed by us!
For Option 1 click HERE

Option 2 for every CD you preorder you get a free ticket to one of the following CD Release shows:

10/02 The Door Ft. Worth, TX
10/03 Meridian Houston, TX
10/04 White Rabbit San Antonio, TX
10/05 House of Rock Corpus Christi, TX
10/06 The High Ground Metairie, LA
10/07 Hi Tone Cafe Memphis, TN
10/08 Bricktown Live Oklahoma City, OK
10/10 The Clubhouse Phoenix, AZ
10/11 The Epicentre San Diego, CA
10/12 The Farm Las Vegas, NV
10/13 The Crossing Palmdale, CA
10/14 Jerry's Pizza Bakersfield, CA
10/16 PBSJ San Jose, CA

If you can't go to these shows this might not be the right option for you.
For Option 2 click here.

SECTION 2 (Europe)

You suckers only have one and a half options. You get the CD with a shirt, or just the CD. The shirt is cool.
Here is a picture of it:

On the back it says "TAKE HER AND FUCK HER, INJECT HER WITH RABIES", maybe.

Click here to preorder for Europe.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Pre-Order CD+Ticket Bundle

Pre-order Desperate Living here:

for $12 you will get a CD and a free ticket to one of the shows on our upcoming headlining tour 10/2-10/17.

i realize this only applies to those of you who live in California, Arizona, Nevada, Texas, Louisiana, Tennessee, and Oklahoma, so for the other hundred or so of you out there, we have another special bonus in store that we will be announcing soon!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Tour with Norma Jean, the Chariot, Arsonists (GATG)

OK here is where the rest of you can see us soon, on this awesome tour!!! On the TBA dates we will be headlining, and we'll try to pick really good places. And on the way back home to LA at the end of the tour we're gonna try to do some shows too. This is a very important tour for all of you "Fans" to come to. If you don't come to the shows, sing a long, and buy our merch we will probably never tour in the US again.

Wed/Nov-25 Pomona, CA Glasshouse
Thu/Nov-26 OFF
Fri/Nov-27 San Francisco, CA Slims
Sat/Nov-28 Portland, OR Hawthorne Theater
Sun/Nov-29 Seattle, WA El Corazon
Mon/Nov-30 Boise, ID The Venue
Tue/Dec-01 Salt Lake City, UT Club Sound
Wed/Dec-02 Denver, CO Marquis Theater
Thu/Dec-03 TBA
Fri/Dec-04 St. Paul, MN Station Four
Sat/Dec-05 Chicago, IL Reggie's
Sun/Dec-06 Cleveland, OH Peabody's
Mon/Dec-07 Pittsburgh, PA Altar Bar
Tue/Dec-08 Toronto, ON Opera House
Wed/Dec-09 Montreal, QC Tulipe
Thu/Dec-10 TBA probably Boston
Fri/Dec-11 New York, NY Gramercy
Sat/Dec-12 Lancaster, PA Chameleon Club
Sun/Dec-13 Towson, MD Recher Theatre
Mon/Dec-14 Richmond, VA Canal Club
Tue/Dec-15 Columbia, SC New Brookland Tavern
Wed/Dec-16 TBA
Thu/Dec-17 Ft. Lauderdale, FL Culture Room
Fri/Dec-18 St. Petersburg, FL State Theater
Sat/Dec-19 Atlanta, GA Masquerade
and a few more TBAs, Austin I hope...

Europe Desperate Living Preorder

Right now if you live in Europe you can preorder Desperate Living here and you get this neat shirt! It has a very explicit message on the back. Picture of back coming soon.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

New Song Time

Our new song "Arrive" is here! Streaming only for the time being. Internet/Record Label politics...

It is about getting somewhere. Kind of. Well, that is what our friend Paul from China used to say when we got somewhere in China: "Arrive." It means "Now we are here. Let's go." Sometimes when we were trying to get somewhere for a very, very, very long time and it was hard to get there we were happy to hear Paul say it. Obviously the lyrics expand on that theme. Maybe if you try to think about them you can feel a feeling while listening to a song again, before you download another album...

When we were driving across Russia a couple of months ago in a van with no seatbelts going 100 MPH over destroyed roads with potholes, humps, and Oregon Trail-style ruts spraying gasoline everywhere and filling the van with gas vapor with a smoking-out-the-window Belarussian taxi driver with rubber bands around his biceps like the Ultimate Warrior who didn't speak English and almost bottoming out the gasoline soaked van on the asphalt (creating a 100 MPH metal and HORSE the band fireball) we had a small argument amongst ourselves over which song should close out the album. The ultimately uplifting Arrive or the ultimately devastating and awe-inspiring Rape Escape. After much discussion of the implications of ending the album with either song, we made a vow that if we survived the drive, that life must have something positive to offer in the end, even through the most degrading garbage, and we should end with Arrive. However, if we died on that drive, our feral instincts about life would be proven correct and we should close the album with Rape Escape. We sent Tim Smith our last will and testament, a tracklisting (weird that we could email in that situation... I know. But I have a Blackberry with international email plan)

Unfortunately we made it through that brush with death and were able to play our show in Jaroslavl' to the 45 people who waited 6 hours for us... in a 3000 capacity venue. It was truly an exhilarating feeling. Proof positive that life indeed has something special in store for each and every one of us.


(Oh wait! this song is about Fry Guy, the boss of world 5 in Super Mario Bros 2, and his daily routine, in general)

A new song, streaming exlusively on a partner site:

and also........

October 2 - 17

Monday, August 24, 2009

Try Niaspan

MP3 of da week

In addition to this being our web presence I've decided to turn it into an MP3 blog too to facilitate the downfall of the music industry and art as a "commodity" in general. Only in complete worthlessness can we star anew. With that said we will be ripping the top 5 most expensive albums at Best Buy each week and posting them on torrents under the name B-Bois and also leaking our own album, Desperate Living, as a disc image with 1000 alternate artworks attached as PDF files in one big RAR file tomorrow at midnight in a surprise timezone. You will have to download an unzipping app such as WinRAR and Adobe Reader to view the 1000 alternate artwork files. Hidden in the binary of one of the files is a secret 1000 digit code and if you send it to us first we will send you a free copy of the MP3 of the Week. Every time someone downloads the torrent we are going to hit our musical instruments one time with a hammer to further hasten the crippling of our artistic career.

Anyway today's MP3 of the week is called "I'm Your Lady". It boasts a tight and understated rhythm section bearing the emotional load of the cascading synthesizer sweeps and recurring guitar lead, all underneath the masterful and spine tingling vocal work of Celine Dion. This song is very heart-wrenching and comes off my "90s INSANE MIX" on my broken ipod. This is not a joke even in the smallest way. You can find it by searching for "I'm your lady celine dion torrent".

We will chat with you

Please join Nathan, David, and Daniel for a nice chat. They will be chatting at tomorrow at 4pm PST. You need a username so be creative like Daniel (DONGBUTTER) or Nathan (9546516912.023).

We can chat about anything, including how we got to be such big fags (NAture, or NURture????).

We need a new bass player who already knows all our songs perfectly and isn't "excited" to go on tour. The ideal applicant will make it so we don't even have to do anything, including email you back. You just show up and integrate seemlessly without even saying anything. No housing provided. No snoring.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Fate or Destiny?

The budget for our tour poster was $13.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009



New capabilities in our web presence

We now have the power to post instant updates from our cellular telephones or computers by text message or email to our blog, which is made into a feed through FeedBurner, and then formatted to html according to our style specifications via BuzzBoost. Now we have the most technologically advanced website updating system in the world.

Also we can post pictures taken by our telephones.
Testing texting

Thursday, April 16, 2009